SOOZ in MOTION
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Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in the "soozechelon" journal:[<< Previous 3 entries]
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05:02 pm
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and so it goes with me
The following is a poem you wrote my dear pet. I needed to move it to here so I could keep it with me in some fashion and have it to refer back to.
vanish with the freeze worries me, here it is, august already.. the freeze soon to follow. Things are progressing toward wonderful, but I wonder.. this seems to say to me that you cannot take much more in the way of unreasonable outbursts from the other slave.
Goddess help me I love you both so much and to have you leave me would break my heart as surely as having my first leave. So there it is, I dont care who out there reads this or understands it. This is for me... and for us... and it weighs upon my heart and mind every minute of every day and will continue to do so until things break irreparably or mend themselves to a degree we can all live with.
I love you rory.
I wasn't sure until today
that I would give my life away
and walk away without a sound
from the home that I had found
and find a new foray.
To brave the disappointment hence
and burden myself with true nonsense
the sake of others is my charge
and headlong through the thorns I barge
to let my hurt commence.
To You, my Love, I offer here
the one true thought between my ears
My two-edged vision of the truth
my cause for fighting nail and tooth
and source of all my fears.
That I would throw myself to pain
when I have naught but ash to gain
to sacrifice myself to you
forever cast from blue-eyed view
And not be so insane.
And only for your happiness
would I begin to draw the mess
of fear and loathing to my heart
I never want us three to part...
but would I walk away? yes.
If it must be done to please,
then before You on my trembling knees
would I tearfully ask to break
the bond that I was glad to make
and vanish with the freeze.
Current Mood:  distressed
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01:13 am
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catchity uppity time...
Spring is here, I am finally moving, the house isnt drowning in dog hair and dust bunnies and junkpiles any longer. The yard is coming along. The second life is well... SECONDARY.
Since my last posting, my beautiful daughter has gone to a five day intensive psych retreat. Upon returning home she informed me that she needs space and needs to work some things out. HMMMM the day before the trip she called and was weepy and we had the same sort of give and take and help you as I can sort of talk we always do. I do not get this. This was a couple of months ago and I have since come to terms with it for the most part. A few days after my birthday she sent me a beautiful hand made card that kind of helped me see that it really is just about her no matter how much it felt like it was about me. I could go on for day at a time on this particular topic but it is late and I must get to bed as soon as my lovely boy is done doing the laundry.
My lovely boy, meaning my one and only Lynn, he is still putting up with my lack of enthusiasm quite well. The search for a full time live in 'slave' goes on. The BDSM sites are fun to look at, but it seems there are a lot of pretenders and a lot of fakes and a lot of just plain scary people. When I first started the search to find someone to help my baby out with the housework I was gung ho and wanted to get it accomplished as soon as possible. After several visits from some promising candidates (who all ran away screaming I am sure due to the state of the household they would be helping to keep ship shape) The house looks good now, due to me getting off my ass, so maybe the next few that come by wont refuse to talk to me after only visiting once. I figure they thought I was some crank that only wanted slaves for keeping the house and they wouldnt get any fun out of it at all. who knows what the next crop will bring.
I am currently talking to a couple of guys, one from close by one from out in albequerque. close boy seems sweet, far boy seems AWESOME. we shall see.
in other news, had the dog (only one of them) groomed recently and he is in love with himself now. the other of course tried to rip the groomers face off so we are gonna have to resort to doggie drugs or some stupidity of that sort. I did make a call to a vet to see how much they wanted to knock out and then groom the little bastard, and with the medication, the exam, the bloodwork to see if he can tolerate the medication and the groom itself it ran into being about three hundred bux!!! JESUS CHRIST! stay fluffy and pant all summer ya little fuck! Nah I will get the take home drugs and call the groomer back I suppose.
Best Friend Flo and I have a spa day planned for the near future, I hope it takes care of the mental edge I seem to be carrying around with me lately, I have gotten off my ass in an attempt to retrain my brooding mentality but it tends to be an uphill battle. I love my flo, she has offered to pay for the whole shebang because she loves me, she knows I need it, she knows I cant afford it, and she doesnt want to go all by her lonesome. We are getting a body scrub, hot stone massage(an hour) and full manicure and pedicure. GOD I CANT WAIT!
Current Location: in front of the laptop
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: sure why not!
Tags: bdsm, darling daughter, dog grooming, motivation, spa treatment, veterinary pricing
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02:09 pm
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lethargy ? or alien constitution? heh
MAN I dont now why I sleep the hours I sleep. It seems no matter what I do, I want to be up all night and sleep all day. Maybe I should just go WITH IT. After all, When Lynn is working, I sit around being miserable. I should only be awake when he is here lol. I'll tellya one thing, if I have to be gainfully employed any time soon I know it will be a second or third shift position.
Poor Lynn, my odd hours are kinda killin him. I need to take his ass to bed at a decent hour even if I get out of bed ten minutes later to wander the night.
*longggg sighhhh*
Sara called a sec ago. She and Malcom are coming down. Why am I not extatic? Hmmm Vag still bleeding? yeah thats it lol.
THINGS I
LOVE-my new desk chair
HATE-my old desk chair
MISS- moms home made mac n cheese
Current Location: desk, in front of laptop
Current Mood:  complacent
Current Music: birds squawking
Tags: fluff n stuff
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